I'm Sorry

I know I haven't written anything in a while,just didn't want to get burned out on writing on a daily bases,sometimes it's hard to think of what to write..so here it goes,sorry if it seems kinda grim...   I had a dream of him last night...he was alive.When I saw him my mind raced to come up with a logical explanation as to why he was alive and standing in front of me.My eyes scanned his entire form to make sure everything I remembered about him was still in place and to also make sure he hadn't changed some how since I last saw him.The last time I saw him was the day before he died,I had a vision of him getting hit by a bus,I never got to say good-bye or see ya later,he was just gone. I have only had 3 dream of him since the day I lost him and this would make the 4th...4 dreams in 4 years, I dream of him once a year...perhaps because our son is 4 and I know that they never got a chance to know each other and because I feel like he abandoned us, to do this on my own without him.Unfinished business I call it,it will always be unfinished business. He was mine,our perfect love that burned like liquid fire,he will always be mine and I will always be his..my heart will always hurt, the longing for his company,his touch,his smile,everything.I wish I could have saved him, I didn't even find him,but I somehow knew something was wrong that morning,something didn't feel right,I knew someone close to me had died. Did he go peacefully?,did he feel any pain?,was he afraid?,did he even know he was dying?,did he do this to himself?.I am so angry,so many questions that will never be answered. He died there,she found him.Why not me?,why didn't I find him,should it have been that way?,or better for me to not have to see him that way..confused..2 days later I saw him,lying there,I wasn't in my right mind,we just had a baby,we were in-love and blissfully happy and then nothing..darkness...I couldn"t see his face for it was blocked from my view...just the outline of his legs and feet,draped in white..you try to come to the realization of the truth,then again if you don't see it then it's not real, so reality doesn't apply..then you begin to panic for fear of the truth,then the truth knocks the breath out of you until your on the floor gripping your chest and crying,but no sound comes out,and no one can help you,only the person in front of you who is no longer there.You swear that this better not be a joke.."ha ha got ya" but relived and pissed at the same time if it was..but it's not,and you loose yourself and any sense of who you are,you die with them..he was my air,I loved him and craved him and it hurt to be apart from him for more than 5 minutes for fear I might never get to see him again,and then you don't.You face the reality that you have to spend the rest of your life without the person who was your reason for living,for laughing, for loving,for being.I would move heaven and hell just to see him,to hear him laugh,to have him back,but I can't, grief is a cruel and twisted card that is dealt.I hope in some way,through all the stuff I have been through that there really is a heaven and that he is there,waiting on me..peace at last,the hole in my heart fixed. I dream of him,not as often as I would like and maybe that's my
heaven,him telling me in some way that he is still here somehow,like the air.

I'm sorry,,you make how much?!...for what!!?...

OK..I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning and I started thinking.."Why do we spend more money on music and entertainment than basically anything else". What I mean is who decided that it was a brilliant plan to pay a football player 50 million dollars a year, or an actor 20 million dollars a movie...do you see where I'm going with this?. Seriously, is everyone drinking the same kool aide?..I believe that this is what's wrong with the world,we are so caught up by fame and fortune(OMG!! it's him/her,they signed my shirt! going to faint!..splat!) that we are loosing sight of what is truly important(hunger,poverty,the homeless,preventing abuse..noble causes..'is this thing on?..heeeelllllooooo?"). I firmly attest that if I were elected President(BA BA BA BA BA) I would pass a new law(hey! listen y'all) declaring that actors and entertainers(musicians included) get paid an hourly rate( no 20 dollars an hour) just like the rest of us lower and middle class people. By the way..what do you do that is so important that it requires you to get paid more than 8.25 an hour?..unless your a doctor..like an important doctor like a surgeon and the like..but I guess even in today's world the majority of the so called doctors that come out of medical school and the majority of the doctors that have been around for a long time are somehow not worthy of being called a "Doctor"(jack ass is more like it). I would like to meet those who set the criteria for what it takes to become a Doctor,(did you smoke crack this morning?)because they are really screwing up!(smack!!!). America is turning into a third world country(beans and rice) for about a trillion(dollar) reasons,(and we elected these dudes into office!!),"the people should not be afraid of their government,the government should be afraid of their people"(quote taken from "V for Vendetta" I do believe..sorry if I'm wrong!I'm so printing that on a t-shirt!).Which also got me thinking(lord help us all..lol) that what if something tragic happened,would we as a people be able to rebuild(love the show"the colony",finally time for my dream tree house!! woohooo!),would we know how to grow our own food(I'm so gonna starve! seriously! peas are the only thing i can keep alive!!!! Nooooooo!),store water(can i buy 10 million cases?,half plain and the other half sparkling?),have fire(no wonder the cave men went insane!..a stick,some rope and 15 years later FIRE!!! yay!!cave man dance!!!) and the such.(I started a home storage...enough supplies to last me for 6 month to a year)because let's be honest(rude)..allot of us are dependent of having things already done for us(I'm sorry? the hamburger had a head once? ewww,"I have to get up to change the channel"?, we are lazy spoiled brats!)...but what if we had to do it ourselves?(we are so screwed!)..could we?(and that's how you weed out the men from the boys!).Sorry,didn't mean to get of course.Ask yourself.."do I really need to contribute to an actors salary(you sucked in that last movie!)","do I need to help a football player buy another house"(really,you hold a ball and run away?tough day hu?). We are slowly but surely turning into a third world country(John Wayne toilet paper anyone?"rough and tough and don't take shit off no one"..roflmao) by our own fault(I don't care! i need 40 pairs of shoes I will wear only once" "I simply must have a maid because I'm to busy being me"),is it really worth it?(get off your lazy butt and grow up!). I am the biggest penny pincher(45,46,47), I can make a dollar last a week(Scrooge has nothing on me)..lol.. "Keep it simple,keep it good", that's what I think anyways.

Until next time my love.......,hugs.smiles and best wishes!!

 ScoobyDoo :)

Look old woman..I saw it first!!!....

Once again I have the daunting task of playing "Christmas Elf", which i guess can have it ups and downs.The up side is that if I'm buying every ones Christmas presents then no one can complain about what they get( evil laugh...muuuuahhhhhh).I try to pick their top 3 favorite "I gotta have it or I'll die" gift ideas and set out on a long and dangerous journey battling old(but very agile) greedy grannies who never hesitate to throw an elbow in your face if you try to "battle" for the last gift on the shelf.After many bruises and a car load of "I got it" and "I came close but at least no one else has it because it's not the coolest thing in the world right now",I usually head to the nearest source of food,order something that will fill me up so much that they will have to roll me out the door,kick my feet up and take a long deserved break...phew..I'm getting tired just thinking about what lays ahead..But I guess I look forward to it year after year and I take comfort in that..early bird sales..all day shopping...eating a quick bite between stores...ahhh...beautiful ain't it?...lol..I think next year I will order everything from Overstock.com,Fleet Farm.com and the such..and then take myself out to lunch and hunt for some last minute stocking stuffers,wrapping paper and maybe decorations for the tree(mostly I am making home made decorations and home made painted ornaments with the kiddos).I usually make home made coco and put holiday movies on while I wrap and decorate and it keeps the kiddos busy which in my book is a blessing..lol.

 Until next time my holiday elf...hugs,smiles and best wishes!!

  ScoobyDoo :)

I'm dreadfully sorry Mr.Turkey..but you have to lay your head on the chopping block...don't worry I promise to have mashed potatoes AND greenbeans.. Gobble Goble!

Ahhh..good morning my love..the air is chilly and the smell of Autumn is in the air.Oh how I love the smell of burnt leaves and wood stoves gracefully floating through the nippy air and making its way to my sensitive nose..(ahhhchew!!)I often sit and think about my loved ones who are no longer with me and I get a sense of homesickness for them. Family and friends are planning for the Holidays(gobble gobble) and Ol'Saint Nick is getting ready to check off his list.If nothing else in my life is going right I can always count on the Holidays to somehow magically set it right again.For me there is nothing better than curled up in front of the T.V., holiday movie marathons and good food and warm drinks.I think if I listen closely I can hear the volunteers ringing their bells persuading us to donate to a worthy cause..I can almost smell the scent of pine trees and hot chocolate..lol it's funny to think that we wait all year for autumn to roll around with the excitement and BA..HUM..BUGS of Christmas,we count down the days and before we know it it's over..back to square one so to speak..I wish I could live where Autumn and Christmas only existed..not only for the food and what nots but also the weather..hmmmmm.. lol Alaska/Canada here I come!!!..lol. To me Family is very important, whether by blood or not! Ohana means Family and family means no one gets left behind!!(thank you Lilo and Stitch!! :)  ). I have made it a personal goal to spend time with each of my Family members,to get to know them more and to hear their "story"....absorb their comments and movements..take it all in...because we are not promised tomorrow and all we have is today...hold them close and love them. Happy Holidays my love!!

 Until next time my holiday helper..hugs,smiles and best wishes!!

  ScoobyDoo :)

Your village called..they need their IDIOT back!!..

I have slight road rage..and by slight I mean hostile!!..Where did these people learn to drive?,seriously...they are going to kill someone!!..I have one thing to say to all the wanna be NASCAR drives.."IT"S CALLED A FLIPPIN TURN SIGNAL!!!!!!!!!!!", for the sake of my life and other's..USE IT!!!!. It's not designed to hold your hair ties, bracelets and what not!!!..it is designed to let other's(mainly me)know where you are going!!!...nothing makes me madder than spit fire than for someone to not use their turn signal!!..(grrrrrrrrrr) Really?..so you think you don't need to use it and your the worlds best driver?..Grow up!!,I don't care how long you have been driving,it takes only one time to alter your life and or someone else's life forever..Some of us have our children in the car!, and let me be the first to tell you that parent's are a different breed all our own, and if our children's life is in anyway threatened we will ensure that those posing a threat to them are dealt with...and trust me, you DO NOT want to mess with a protective parent..you might as well jump off a cliff or swim with sharks...And do you really have to cut me off just to make a right hand turn 3 feet from you,without using your turn signal!!!. I am declaring myself the turn signal police!!...every time I see someone not using their turn signal I promise I will let the know about it!!..So remember..if you don't want me honking my horn or simply letting you know exactly what I think about you( I cuss like a sailor)...PLEASE USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL..it's the stick that moves UP and DOWN..UP for RIGHT and DOWN for LEFT!!!

Until next time my side seat driver..hugs,smiles and best wishes!!!

 ScoobyDoo :)

How Much Sugar???

I love to cook,it relaxes me..and cooking makes me happy..like extremely happy...I remember standing beside my great-grandmother and grandmother when I was little watching them fix dinners and deserts and side dishes and all kinds of yummy in my tummy things....comfort food is what I like to call it.It's funny that the smell of food can snap you back in time. When I  have "yummy in my tummy moments" I can remember where I was at,what I was wearing and some memory of who was about and what was being said all plays out...talk about deja vu..lol... For me,food feeds not only your body but your soul as well....don't be afraid to try new things...create new dishes, make a simple recipe your own by adding or subtracting ingredients...Julia Child changed everything in the cooking world...she sure did it her way didn't she!!!. Remember "when the cook is happy,the food is happy". I love food and I love to eat which if I had my choice I would be a food critic..not to slander any ones cooking but just so I could eat...I'm not starving or anything but I just love to eat.I have recently signed up on All Recipe.com and created a virtual recipe box..to date it holds 500 recipes..it's simple..you find what you like,hit add to my recipe box and "bam bam turkey and ham", it saves it for you and you can even choose what to put it under...print it out and ect.... remember that Julia,Emril,Paula and ect.. wasn't always"Julia,Emril,Paula....ect"..they all had to start somewhere...so do I believe anyone can cook?, YES I DO..so go..create...dance and sing while you do it....Bon Appetit my darling!!!.

 Until next time,hugs,smiles and best wishes!!!!

  ScoobyDoo :)

I'm no movie critic but i am a movie junkie!!!

I am a hopeless romantic,even though i despise the word LOVE,..unless it is used towards a child or a family member. Love can mean so many different things but when used in a relationship that got me thinking what some of my favorite romantic movies...Here is my list...1) Pride & Prejudice 2) The Time Traveler's Wife* 3) I Hate Valentine's Day 4) Robin Hood 5) First Knight* 6) How to Loose A Guy In 10 Days 7) My Best Friend's Wedding* 8) Runaway Bride 9) The Wedding singer 10) 50 First Dates* 11)Legends of the Fall 12) The Wedding Planner* 13) Overboard* 14) Somethings' Gotta Give 15) Dracula* 16) Walk The Line *18) Casablanca 19) The Sound Of Music 20) Romeo & Juliet* 21) Moulin Rouge* 22) What Women Want 23) While You Were Sleeping* 24) The American President* 25) The Notebook* 26) Sweet Home Alabama* 27) Pretty Women 28) Hope Floats* 29) Shakespeare in Love* 30) The Illusionist* 31) Sense & Sensibility 32) Pearl Harbor 33) P.S. I Love You *
34) Twilight sagas**.35) When In Rome*****.. There you go....in no set order and I'm sure I am forgetting a bunch more movies but you get the jist and maybe now you know a little bit more about me...So enjoy!!!   (*)= my favorites..

Until next time poppet...hugs.smiles and best wishes!!!!!

 ScoobyDoo :)

Your mother is on line 1!!!

OK! don' t get me wrong..we need to work to pay the bills but in today's world actually having a job that you adore is few and far between.I work in an office(not a bad thing) and I have to wear business clothes(not bad either) but I set at
a computer all day(don't be jealous...its extremely boring) entering numbers from files. I have an easy peasy lemon squeezy job, I work 8 hours a day,40 hours a week but I only make $7.92 an hour..hmmm..why you ask?...I am a Temp. Being a Temp has it's perks,I get to work(most important) in places that I might not have even considered working before,I get to meet some cool cats( slang for totally amazing people) and I feel good about my chances in an uncertain workforce.If I had my dream job it would  be an eclectic work day...why you ask again?...well you have to understand a little bit about me to answer that  question..I'm a hot mess!..lol I love to do all sorts of things...I love photography,cooking,singing,dancing,eating,watching movies,creating,
painting,art,dressing up,being outdoors..phew!!!!(that's a mouth full). My dream job would consist of all of that if not even more...We should inspire ourselves to be our own bosses or create a work force that needs movers and shakers..We become what we are...So get out there and make the world a better more colorful place!!! I know I will!!!.....

Until next time,hugs,smiles and best wishes!!!

 ScoobyDoo :)

Thanks alot CUPID!

We grow up with this preconceived notion of LOVE...flowers and rainbows and kisses and comfort and fireworks and that"perfect person".It's apparent that someone was so devastated by the effects of (something went horribly wrong)LOVE that they decided to put together the perfect idea of what love should be.Everyone wants to be loved, to feel needed and wanted,but somewhere along the way it gets all muddled up..we set boundaries and conditions of our love or what we think love should be. Love should be honest,kind,hopeful,
spiritual,brave,noble,unselfish.I believe in LOVE...the connection from a parent to a child, to a sibling, to members of a family.I have been disregarded and disrespected and hurt to my core being that I don't believe in love from a relationship aspect.I would rather be alone than with someone who is just going to hurt me.I guard my heart,I don't want it that way but what choice do I have.I'm tired of crying and trying to figure why I'm not good enough for"this person". I used to believe in fairy tales and magic,but now days I believe in solace and heartache....Sometimes I feel like I'm spiritually dying,Why should I share my soul with someone who is only going to hurt it.Measure LOVE carefully my darling, and if you find yourself questioning your heart,remember that loving yourself and those around you( those you know who love you no matter what) is better than loving someone who puts conditions on their love..

Until next time.....hugs,smiles and best wishes!!!!!!!

 ScoobyDoo :)

It's a ME thing!! lol

Top of the mornin!( in my best attempt at an Irish accent..lol :)  ).
I just adore photography..more in specific black and white photography.
I'm not saying that I don't like color film as well( the world would indeed be boring with out color)but there is just something about it that I find beautiful.
I often find myself pulling massive mountains of books from the library on the subject..( I am truly a bookworm).Some people debate that photography is an ART..and in some cases I do agree, but what defines ART?...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder( I agree 100%).I photograph everything that I find interesting ,strange and beautiful.Photography is about capturing the world around YOU,through YOUR eyes.What inspires YOU?,what issues do YOU find important?.You don't have to be trained for years and years to be a master at photography,but I do suggest  reading up on the subject to see if the ideas mentioned are worth noting.Just because something works for one person doesn't mean that it will work for you.Have fun while you "shoot"(your camera..lol).Be bold,be daring but do however make sure you have permission to photograph someone(get it in writing and date it), something on private property(again,get it in writing and date it),or in a public establishment(in writing and date it). I can not stress enough the importance of getting permission in writing and a date on it...it will save alot of headaches..So my darling,YOU are the artist..and the WORLD is YOUR canvas!! <3
Until next time...hugs,smiles and best wishes!!!!!

  ScoobyDoo

Music...Saves my soul..

Good Morning beautiful souls of the world!! Today's topic is about MUSIC..( la la la la la la la).For me music plays a huge role in my life..I am a music junkie...I listen to any and everything!..I'm what you call eclectic.I like it all from jazz to classical to hip hop to the oldies and back.Everyone and everything on this planet dances to their own music, if you don't believe me then take a look around. Humans dance and sing, we compose melodies and lyrics to express how we emotionally feel, animals sing or dance or move about in ways to attract a mate and nature dances in the wind and rain and seasons.I always have said to anyone who will listen long enough"to listen to what moves your soul"(good advice hu?..lol).If I had to compose a soundtrack and set it around my life I would be in trouble because I listen to everything, so picking out a set list of songs is extremely hard for me to do.For me, music really does save my soul.It makes me happy when I'm sad,it makes me see the beauty in the world around me.Bravo to the songwriters,musicians,singers and composers of the world!!!.If the world had no music it would be one colorless place,and that would be a devastating thing.Music is all about expressing our emotions,thoughts,ideas and views..so go ahead and write a song,compose a melody, learn to play an instrument. Music is as old as time its self which I think is a beautiful thing. So go ahead and blast the stereo up, makes some noise...!!!!!!! throw caution to the wind and remember..."Listen to what moves your soul"..

Until next time....hugs,smiles and best wishes!!!!

 ScoobyDoo

Bullies...he said she said...

I have been debating on topics to blog about.You name it A-Z I have written it down on my note pad full of cramped wording and doodles.A friend of mine suggested that I address the issue of bullies.So here we go!..I think that bullies of any kind(big or small) should not be tolerated what so ever. It is never OK to hurt someone emotionally or physically.I often find myself wondering what is wrong with parents these days...what happened to discipline?...but now you got kids threatening to call CPS or 911 on their parents...I'm sorry but I would not be scared of my child.I grew up with my grandmother's morals and values and if I was to act like some of these kids today she would have paddled my bottom and grounded me till I was 35!!!.. Parents..the time has come to take back charge of your home!..I'm not saying beat them to a pulp or leave marks on them,I'm saying let them know who is in charge...your house,your rules.I have a no doors policy in my home...except the bathrooms...no secrets,,you respect me I respect you...let them yell and scream..they won't die...if they want to call 911 offer to call them yourself..they can take them to jail for not listening to you....be creative, be brave...Bulling starts in the home and then carries over into the school's.My daughter was being bullied the beginning of the school year.I took the routine steps and talked to the teacher and the bus driver and finally I was up at the school being a fearless and brave lioness protecting my endangered cub.They told me they can't watch them 24/7 and I told them then why would I want to send my daughter to a school where she wasn't safe.I might as well home school her.Bulling leaves scars on both ends and as a Mother I want whats best for my child..to grow up happy and to feal safe and loved and that people are good despite the ones who make it hard to trust anyone.We all need to play a roll in preventing kids from bulling and to protect those who are being bullied..If your a parent or not it shouldn't matter..stand up for whats right.Alot of kids end their lives due to being bullied because they feel like they have no one to talk to , or no one who cares...You could be the one who saves a life..Show you care...Action speak louder than words my friends..
Until next time, hug,smiles and best wishes!!!!

 ScoobyDoo

Religion....here we go!!!

OK..so I believe that it doesn't matter what religion you are, as long as you have Faith, that's all that should matter.But in today's world of what's right and wrong( according to whom ever dictates what is morally right and wrong), being this religion or that religion isn't an easy thing to maintain. 99.9 percent of my family is Catholic either by birth or marriage or by choice. I grew up going to mass with my great aunt and I would get butterflies in my tummy whenever we walked into the ancient Cathedral like church. Something about a 2,000 year old religion fascinated me...it struck me to my core being. This ancient religion, so beautiful and rich in it's customs and traditions was taboo for me. I wasn't born Catholic,although some in my family would dispute that fact...they say"It's in your blood"... apparently I have 7 different blood lines running through my veins and among the dominate features and habits of each blood line results in the finding that all 7 different blood lines are in fact CATHOLIC. The older I became the more I wanted to know more about this religion that for some reason I found beautiful.. so I enrolled In R.C.I.A classes and am taking the steps to convert to Catholicism. But my point is, as with any religion..just because you find it fascinating doesn't mean that someone else should, have to or want to. It's an individual choice to believe what ever you want to believe. We shouldn't tell someone they have the wrong religion just because we disagree. You wouldn't want someone telling you that you can't go here or there because your hair isn't the most popular color at the time.What right do we have to tell anyone they aren't going to Heaven because of their religion...we are not the Judge... the Bible says"You will be judged according to your deeds" not according to your religion.. I don't think God really cares what religion you are, He only cares that you believe in him. So..believe what you want and don't worry about what other people believe..Keep this question  in mind:" What have I done for someone today?".

Until next time, hugs, smiles and best wishes!!!

 ScoobyDoo :)

Sick and Tired....

I can't stand someone who is mean for no reason. Come on people..what's the point...it just makes you look bad. Grow up!!..."Stick and Stones may break my bones but words will never harm me.". Who ever came up with that rhyme needs to be smacked!,for some people it's easy to ignore someone who is being mean, they just say "Bless your heart" or some other jazz.But then you have thoes of us who just wanna smak the crap out of them and wind up in jail. I haven't personaly been to jail but let's just say it's not a place I would choose to be. Verbal abuse is just as worse as physical abuse and I don't condone any abuse of any kind.. Words do hurt, wether you a child or an adult. It just burns my bisquets for someone to stand there and think they can say what ever they want and hurt someone. You aren't God and the sun don't rise or set in your tail!!!!. Being mean will only result in..1) You get the tar knocked outta ya, or 2) you get the tar knocked outta ya, you wind up in a body cast and left all alone. It's time for those of us who are getting pushed around and talked to like we don't matter to take a stand..Stand up for what right! not only for ourselves but for others as well... Don't break the law to make a point!!!!!! Surround yourself with good hearted loving people.... there comes a time when enough is enough and sometimes leaving a bad situation is a liberating thing.. I'm assigning homework.. Find out what makes you...you!!!... laugh, love, dance, smile, sing, cook, ect.... if you spend your whole life debating what people think of you then it's no kind of life at all...Become a better YOU.. We are all put on this earth for a reason...but we also have a universal moral responsibility to take care of each other..feed the hungry,clothe the naked, visit the sick, help someone less fortunate... Remember... Life isn't always what you think it ought to be, and you're the only one who has the power to change your life... Until next time... smiles, hugs and best wishes!!

                       ScoobyDoo :)