back in the groove

wow, reading my other posts that I had forgotten I had written either makes me feel kinda smart or like i need therapy..but that's the beautiful thing about blogging .I can write what I'm feeling at the time... I can not believe it has been over 2 years since my last post.. allot has happened and changed. not only in the world but with me as well...my kiddos have gotten older and i have acquired a few laugh lines(beautiful laugh lines)..I have lost my cousin who was like a brother to me to cancer/ I have changed and grown as a person and moved to the great state of MN. I write for myself..no one else..if someone happens to read this then you have insight about me as a person..my feelings thoughts and etc.. I have become interested in homesteading even more and prepping( water,food,medical supplies etc..) which is always good.. I started to pick up learning Italian and now am moving on to ASL(american sign language).. fascinating to me to be able to talk with your hands and communicate with those who cant hear or speak or both . learning how to make home made everything(thank you GOOGLE)..and just trying to find my place in this crazy world.. I also am learning to sew(machine) and am really liking it..useful to know how to make clothes.. I cant wait for spring..I am planning a huge garden this year and am so anxious to get it going...My dream place would be in the country...unspoiled land....a few acres...a garden,greenhouse,livestock......"Mr.Sandman, bring me a dream"..lol.. So my adventure into the dating world was an epic fail...big surprise ..where are all the good guys at..who like to homestead?..uggghh...is there some homestead dating site that im missing?..but to my luck the majority of them could not be so nice....oh well...I am thinking about homeschooling my kiddos..I was home-schooled so its a debate..pros and cons with everything in today's world...

until next time love,

 hugs,smiles and best wishes <3

ScoobyDoo

Survival..homesteading...girl with a gun and camo.. ;)

So apparently I'm in the middle of a homesteading,survivalistic kinda what would happen if something bad happened mode.....which I have a right to be in a state of panic in my own right...enough food,water supplies and etc.. which I encourage each and everyone to be prepared for any and everything...survival 101, medical procedures  and the like..there is a wealth of knowledge to be had in books and online so brush up on it..it may save your life and those around you one day..be prepared, always have a back up plan and remember to always stay calm..Some would say I'm "off of my rocker"..I say "the best people always are"..

Until next time..smiles,hugs and best wishes!!! :)

ScoobyDoo

I'm Sorry

I know I haven't written anything in a while,just didn't want to get burned out on writing on a daily bases,sometimes it's hard to think of what to write..so here it goes,sorry if it seems kinda grim...   I had a dream of him last night...he was alive.When I saw him my mind raced to come up with a logical explanation as to why he was alive and standing in front of me.My eyes scanned his entire form to make sure everything I remembered about him was still in place and to also make sure he hadn't changed some how since I last saw him.The last time I saw him was the day before he died,I had a vision of him getting hit by a bus,I never got to say good-bye or see ya later,he was just gone. I have only had 3 dream of him since the day I lost him and this would make the 4th...4 dreams in 4 years, I dream of him once a year...perhaps because our son is 4 and I know that they never got a chance to know each other and because I feel like he abandoned us, to do this on my own without him.Unfinished business I call it,it will always be unfinished business. He was mine,our perfect love that burned like liquid fire,he will always be mine and I will always be his..my heart will always hurt, the longing for his company,his touch,his smile,everything.I wish I could have saved him, I didn't even find him,but I somehow knew something was wrong that morning,something didn't feel right,I knew someone close to me had died. Did he go peacefully?,did he feel any pain?,was he afraid?,did he even know he was dying?,did he do this to himself?.I am so angry,so many questions that will never be answered. He died there,she found him.Why not me?,why didn't I find him,should it have been that way?,or better for me to not have to see him that way..confused..2 days later I saw him,lying there,I wasn't in my right mind,we just had a baby,we were in-love and blissfully happy and then nothing..darkness...I couldn"t see his face for it was blocked from my view...just the outline of his legs and feet,draped in white..you try to come to the realization of the truth,then again if you don't see it then it's not real, so reality doesn't apply..then you begin to panic for fear of the truth,then the truth knocks the breath out of you until your on the floor gripping your chest and crying,but no sound comes out,and no one can help you,only the person in front of you who is no longer there.You swear that this better not be a joke.."ha ha got ya" but relived and pissed at the same time if it was..but it's not,and you loose yourself and any sense of who you are,you die with them..he was my air,I loved him and craved him and it hurt to be apart from him for more than 5 minutes for fear I might never get to see him again,and then you don't.You face the reality that you have to spend the rest of your life without the person who was your reason for living,for laughing, for loving,for being.I would move heaven and hell just to see him,to hear him laugh,to have him back,but I can't, grief is a cruel and twisted card that is dealt.I hope in some way,through all the stuff I have been through that there really is a heaven and that he is there,waiting on me..peace at last,the hole in my heart fixed. I dream of him,not as often as I would like and maybe that's my
heaven,him telling me in some way that he is still here somehow,like the air.

I'm sorry,,you make how much?!...for what!!?...

OK..I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning and I started thinking.."Why do we spend more money on music and entertainment than basically anything else". What I mean is who decided that it was a brilliant plan to pay a football player 50 million dollars a year, or an actor 20 million dollars a movie...do you see where I'm going with this?. Seriously, is everyone drinking the same kool aide?..I believe that this is what's wrong with the world,we are so caught up by fame and fortune(OMG!! it's him/her,they signed my shirt! going to faint!..splat!) that we are loosing sight of what is truly important(hunger,poverty,the homeless,preventing abuse..noble causes..'is this thing on?..heeeelllllooooo?"). I firmly attest that if I were elected President(BA BA BA BA BA) I would pass a new law(hey! listen y'all) declaring that actors and entertainers(musicians included) get paid an hourly rate( no 20 dollars an hour) just like the rest of us lower and middle class people. By the way..what do you do that is so important that it requires you to get paid more than 8.25 an hour?..unless your a doctor..like an important doctor like a surgeon and the like..but I guess even in today's world the majority of the so called doctors that come out of medical school and the majority of the doctors that have been around for a long time are somehow not worthy of being called a "Doctor"(jack ass is more like it). I would like to meet those who set the criteria for what it takes to become a Doctor,(did you smoke crack this morning?)because they are really screwing up!(smack!!!). America is turning into a third world country(beans and rice) for about a trillion(dollar) reasons,(and we elected these dudes into office!!),"the people should not be afraid of their government,the government should be afraid of their people"(quote taken from "V for Vendetta" I do believe..sorry if I'm wrong!I'm so printing that on a t-shirt!).Which also got me thinking(lord help us all..lol) that what if something tragic happened,would we as a people be able to rebuild(love the show"the colony",finally time for my dream tree house!! woohooo!),would we know how to grow our own food(I'm so gonna starve! seriously! peas are the only thing i can keep alive!!!! Nooooooo!),store water(can i buy 10 million cases?,half plain and the other half sparkling?),have fire(no wonder the cave men went insane!..a stick,some rope and 15 years later FIRE!!! yay!!cave man dance!!!) and the such.(I started a home storage...enough supplies to last me for 6 month to a year)because let's be honest(rude)..allot of us are dependent of having things already done for us(I'm sorry? the hamburger had a head once? ewww,"I have to get up to change the channel"?, we are lazy spoiled brats!)...but what if we had to do it ourselves?(we are so screwed!)..could we?(and that's how you weed out the men from the boys!).Sorry,didn't mean to get of course.Ask yourself.."do I really need to contribute to an actors salary(you sucked in that last movie!)","do I need to help a football player buy another house"(really,you hold a ball and run away?tough day hu?). We are slowly but surely turning into a third world country(John Wayne toilet paper anyone?"rough and tough and don't take shit off no one"..roflmao) by our own fault(I don't care! i need 40 pairs of shoes I will wear only once" "I simply must have a maid because I'm to busy being me"),is it really worth it?(get off your lazy butt and grow up!). I am the biggest penny pincher(45,46,47), I can make a dollar last a week(Scrooge has nothing on me)..lol.. "Keep it simple,keep it good", that's what I think anyways.

Until next time my love.......,hugs.smiles and best wishes!!

 ScoobyDoo :)

Look old woman..I saw it first!!!....

Once again I have the daunting task of playing "Christmas Elf", which i guess can have it ups and downs.The up side is that if I'm buying every ones Christmas presents then no one can complain about what they get( evil laugh...muuuuahhhhhh).I try to pick their top 3 favorite "I gotta have it or I'll die" gift ideas and set out on a long and dangerous journey battling old(but very agile) greedy grannies who never hesitate to throw an elbow in your face if you try to "battle" for the last gift on the shelf.After many bruises and a car load of "I got it" and "I came close but at least no one else has it because it's not the coolest thing in the world right now",I usually head to the nearest source of food,order something that will fill me up so much that they will have to roll me out the door,kick my feet up and take a long deserved break...phew..I'm getting tired just thinking about what lays ahead..But I guess I look forward to it year after year and I take comfort in that..early bird sales..all day shopping...eating a quick bite between stores...ahhh...beautiful ain't it?...lol..I think next year I will order everything from Overstock.com,Fleet Farm.com and the such..and then take myself out to lunch and hunt for some last minute stocking stuffers,wrapping paper and maybe decorations for the tree(mostly I am making home made decorations and home made painted ornaments with the kiddos).I usually make home made coco and put holiday movies on while I wrap and decorate and it keeps the kiddos busy which in my book is a blessing..lol.

 Until next time my holiday elf...hugs,smiles and best wishes!!

  ScoobyDoo :)

I'm dreadfully sorry Mr.Turkey..but you have to lay your head on the chopping block...don't worry I promise to have mashed potatoes AND greenbeans.. Gobble Goble!

Ahhh..good morning my love..the air is chilly and the smell of Autumn is in the air.Oh how I love the smell of burnt leaves and wood stoves gracefully floating through the nippy air and making its way to my sensitive nose..(ahhhchew!!)I often sit and think about my loved ones who are no longer with me and I get a sense of homesickness for them. Family and friends are planning for the Holidays(gobble gobble) and Ol'Saint Nick is getting ready to check off his list.If nothing else in my life is going right I can always count on the Holidays to somehow magically set it right again.For me there is nothing better than curled up in front of the T.V., holiday movie marathons and good food and warm drinks.I think if I listen closely I can hear the volunteers ringing their bells persuading us to donate to a worthy cause..I can almost smell the scent of pine trees and hot chocolate..lol it's funny to think that we wait all year for autumn to roll around with the excitement and BA..HUM..BUGS of Christmas,we count down the days and before we know it it's over..back to square one so to speak..I wish I could live where Autumn and Christmas only existed..not only for the food and what nots but also the weather..hmmmmm.. lol Alaska/Canada here I come!!!..lol. To me Family is very important, whether by blood or not! Ohana means Family and family means no one gets left behind!!(thank you Lilo and Stitch!! :)  ). I have made it a personal goal to spend time with each of my Family members,to get to know them more and to hear their "story"....absorb their comments and movements..take it all in...because we are not promised tomorrow and all we have is today...hold them close and love them. Happy Holidays my love!!

 Until next time my holiday helper..hugs,smiles and best wishes!!

  ScoobyDoo :)

Your village called..they need their IDIOT back!!..

I have slight road rage..and by slight I mean hostile!!..Where did these people learn to drive?,seriously...they are going to kill someone!!..I have one thing to say to all the wanna be NASCAR drives.."IT"S CALLED A FLIPPIN TURN SIGNAL!!!!!!!!!!!", for the sake of my life and other's..USE IT!!!!. It's not designed to hold your hair ties, bracelets and what not!!!..it is designed to let other's(mainly me)know where you are going!!!...nothing makes me madder than spit fire than for someone to not use their turn signal!!..(grrrrrrrrrr) Really?..so you think you don't need to use it and your the worlds best driver?..Grow up!!,I don't care how long you have been driving,it takes only one time to alter your life and or someone else's life forever..Some of us have our children in the car!, and let me be the first to tell you that parent's are a different breed all our own, and if our children's life is in anyway threatened we will ensure that those posing a threat to them are dealt with...and trust me, you DO NOT want to mess with a protective parent..you might as well jump off a cliff or swim with sharks...And do you really have to cut me off just to make a right hand turn 3 feet from you,without using your turn signal!!!. I am declaring myself the turn signal police!!...every time I see someone not using their turn signal I promise I will let the know about it!!..So remember..if you don't want me honking my horn or simply letting you know exactly what I think about you( I cuss like a sailor)...PLEASE USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL..it's the stick that moves UP and DOWN..UP for RIGHT and DOWN for LEFT!!!

Until next time my side seat driver..hugs,smiles and best wishes!!!

 ScoobyDoo :)